I was in a similar situation. My wife called the police on me when I wasn't even in the same room, after she had removed doors from the front and back of the house.
I was the victim, she was the perpetrator. It took hundreds of visits to the police only to be sent away. Over those hundreds of visits I managed to get 5 reports in. The female senior domestic violence officer told me that she was now obliged to put in an affidavit to the court for an Intervention Order, but added that I had 'Buckleys', the Australian expression for no hope in obtaining one.
48 hours later my wife was arrested for Aggravated Assault, in an attempt to strangle me in a choke hold from behind while I was bent over loading the dishwasher. In the struggle my business shirt had all of the buttons ripped off.
She was released from lockup after an hour, having signed bail papers not to return to the residence - a condition that she immediately breached. This happened approximately 20 times.
It took me 6 months to get an Intervention Order, having been told that women usually get one within a few days, and that women have that turned into a Full Intervention Order within a week, no longer than a month. It took me a further 18 months to obtain that Full Intervention Order.
During that 2 year period my wife breached the terms of the order approximately 20 times. I was told by the police that a male under an AVO would be jailed after 2 breaches.
Then my wife was able to obtain free legal aid for property settlement and representation in court. I went to every service in the greater metropolitan area in my city, only to be denied similar aid.
I sought aid through Free Legal Aid Services. I was told that there was a special section to cover my area of needs. The consultant returned after checking to inform me that the service was available for women only.
I then had to spend 3 years seeking to oppose my wife's attempt to have the Intervention Order revoked. The police gave up after 1 year, and I took over from there.
I've learned along the way that most police do not believe that men get assaulted. Their version of DV, if they at all apply it to men as victims, comes down to the worst of physical assaults, not punching, slapping, restraining, tripping - and most certainly not verbal, financial, and other forms of harassment that women are acknowledged as enduring.
The gender disparity in the system is enormous. Whenever I seek to correct a feminist line of dialogue (I am greatly sympathetic to the problem of domestic violence against women), they argue that statistics show that the incidence for men being victims is incredibly low enough to be ignored, so there is no need for social services. I point out to them that the statistics are skewed, because they are based on the reports that police don't take for men who suffer domestic violence.
With so many financial incentives to be a victim these days, DV victimhood has become a lucrative albeit ultimately ruinous career choice for women. If you want to know why the trans curse is upon us, which is not going to stop until feminism is eradicated, look no further than what the DV industry has done over the last thirty years. It’s like the old numbers rackets, except with every ticket a winner. Every institution that has a safe spaces policy based on the Duluth model of DV, which presumes all men are potential abusers by the fact of their birth, is an outlet. The ‘numbers’ are all the legal and administrative packages and processes that can and have been fashioned out of the presumption that all men are guilty and that women never lie. The feminists don’t actually care about women. If they did, they’d stop treating women like infants, respect the fact that all women have agency, avoid searing their souls with lies and deceits, help them heal quickly after genuine DV and let them get on with their lives. They care about milking the system for every dollar they can. Everyone pays for it. The unseen victims of DV are we the taxpayers, who fund an industry made up of traps, snares, lies and deceits. The mob controlling the racket are the feminists, gender studies hoodlums and misguided chest-thumping chivalrists. They all peddle the nonsense that women should be protected from the consequences of their own actions and poor choices. They keep women believing they need three legs to stand up. Their customers are of course any woman prone to feelings of victimhood, which would be all women at one point or another. They peddle a system that has brought out the worst in women. Men are rightly cautious about any dealings with women these days and women who fall for the DV scam are finding themselves up the creek without a paddle. Short term gain is bringing long term pain. And serious pain it is. You can’t run away from your own bad choices. You can’t hide malevolence and deceit from your children. It’s seared into your soul and theirs. It tells the same sorry tale in everything that is said and done from that moment on. No-one trusts a cheat and a liar. The DV scam has hijacked and shipwrecked hundreds of thousands of women; the metaphorical bodies are starting to wash up on the shore, and they stink.
A man who was fired from teaching in Special Ed by Medical Leave, using gender specific language. I was often said to be a conscientious father, but none stood up beside me against this McCarthyism. Then my partner revealed her commitment to our relationship with obvious deception, provocations designed to collect evidence for the police and an ADVO, and other acts and comments that clearly demonstrated the depravity of a determined sabotage of my desire to be a father, the willing collaboration by the legal profession and police in the mother's destruction of my status, and the ultimate verification that women today regard men as sources of service and or financial supply, and little else. My forensic psychiatrist says this is my PTSD, but that's because he's in an ivory tower.
This edition brought up so many things for me. One of my wife's friends, a woman who was well known for being stubborn and determined, had an incident with her now ex husband, who she married just to get Australian residency. Short story, she had an argument with her ex husband, her husband pushed her onto the bed, told her that he was going out and for her to not be there when he got back.
We know the guy, he wasn't a violent man, nor was he usually an angry man, our interpretation of the situation was that he was quite stressed.
When he got back, she had gone. Yes, to the police station. There after speaking with one police officer who had asked her to wait a while, then return home and try to talk it out, our friend spoke to another police officer, a man who put things in order for her. She got emergency accommodation, job training, special support for DV, emergency cash and the main prize, Australian citizenship almost immediately.
Australian citizenship doesn't come easy, nor is it cheap. For our friend it took less than three months and was free. Then there was the family reunion which was also free, her daughter also fast tracked to Australian citizenship, free of course and all the job training was also supplied.
It was disgusting all the help she got, especially as her support worker was visibly upset that our friend wasn't interested in pushing for half her ex husband of three month's assets.
Then there are the times when I have sought assistance for myself. There just isn't much help out there for men, and the helpline assistants know this and are quite saddened at the fact that they really can only help one gender.
If what you are saying or doing is unacceptable if the genders are reversed, then what you are saying or doing IS unacceptable, full fucking stop. (Gender can be replaced with anything you like, age, skin colour, ability or disability ECT.)
I recall the Gillard era changes in family court legislation. They got rid of penalties for perjury in child custody cases and expanded the definition of family violence to include harsh language and with holding money that is expected. The correct solution to the "Shit test" of restraining orders/ child custody court cases is DO NOT PLAY. Let the legal eagles have a one sided argument. As Bettina states, be there for your children at the other end. DON'T go wasting $1000's on a FIXED, predetermined outcome. A change to the system I would like to see is severe fines for parental alienation. At the moment it is encouraged and rewarded- like the DV gravy train.
That's right, the definition of violence has been expanded to ridiculous extremes with emotional and financial issues now allowed to be called " violent", this was done for no other reason that dramatic effect and now men can be accused of being "violent" for any trivial disagreement.
This is missuse of the English language , the word violent implies that a physical assault has occurred or might , that was the old definition but the feminists saw that they could shame men for anything almost just by adding "violent" to normal interactions between people.
As George Orwell said in his book 1984, " first they steal the words then they steal the meanings"
I'm a male victim of domestic violence. My lawyer told me to never mention it or I will end up with little or no contact with the children after the divorce proceedings. My lawyer was right. Haven't had any contact for 20 years. Spent every dollar I had but made no difference. That's the outcome for genuine male victims of domestic violence.
Just a note to explain that I receive a constant stream of tragic emails from men who want me to tell their stories. Men facing false allegations, injustice in the courts, unimaginable torment. I try to help people whenever I can but there is no point making videos about these personal stories because no one is watching them. It really isn't worth my time and the expenses involved in video production for an audience of a thousand or two. This comment section is really designed to encourage discussion about the issues I am raising and although sometimes personal experiences are relevant to the discussion, I don't want huge personal histories dominating the discourse. So I am deleting some of these very long stories and also comments from people abusing me.
And let's not forget that, when we offer cash incentives to people to allege DV, allegations of DV are likely to increase. And when allegations increase, more money and services are needed, creating an infinite feedback loop, much to the delight of the DV industry. A well-oiled machine indeed!
Great article and thanks again Bettina for keeping us all informed. The DV industry is growing like a cancer on society and it is a worry to see big companies and banks weighing in .
It was reported a few years ago in WA that a mining company was working closely with the WA govt. {Labor} in the domestic violence issues of the companies employees . Since most miners are men I asked the CEO { a woman} if this meant that her company agreed that MEN are also victims of DV.
No response as expected , and the question is why are employers involving themselves in the personal and domestic affairs of their employees? Surely an employer's obligation to workers ends when they clock off and leave the premises.
This is part of a bigger picture, a conspiracy to weaken Western democracies by destroying the traditional family and traditional roles of men and women.
That was in our legislation at one point and my understanding was one reason it was never enforced was the argument about children having to be kept away from dangerous, violent fathers. I might be wrong... if people know more perhaps you can contribute to this discussion. It is quite remarkable how effectively the domestic violence card has been used to undermine what was once one of the world's most enlightened jurisdictions supporting the rights of children to be cared for by both parents. The feminists did a brilliant job tilting justice to favour women - yet again!
Your assumption that it was never enforced. Was certainly my experience. So why was it, that parliament ignored judges, ignoring its laws (rhetorical question).
As tour article demonstrates, tendency for babies to be thrown out with bath water (pun intended).
Thanks Bettina, I thought it was bad but not this bad. Extraordinary how big this has got. The couple at the start of your article is a good example of the way statistics can be easily manipulated. Of course, the woman's multiple "reports" of DV get fed into a large overall number that is used for yet more gravy for the gravy train. No matter who the actual perpetrator is this will always be used against men. Recently, NT Justice Kelly gave a speech to a women's lawyer group having drinks saying that aboriginal women were 32 times more likely to be hospitalised by their partner than non-aboriginal women. We know this is bad but Kelly is talking about violence taking place in remote aboriginal settlements not suburban Australia. The latest statistics show there were 201 women who were hospitalised for sexual assault for the period 2017-2018, which implies there were 6 for the rest of Australia for the entire period. Not anywhere near the scale of what we've been led to believe by the DV industry and the media.
Good comment , suburban Australia is probably the safest place for women in the whole history of the world, but feminists want us to believe it is a violent hell hole. These feminists regale us with statistics and expect everyone to be shocked with their catch cries like, " one woman every 7 days dies of domestic violence" .
This may be correct but on closer examination you would have to say that this is a GOOD result.
Of the millions of women in the country if one a week is killed by a husband or BF etc, then it is hard to see how this could be improved upon and anyway the same stats show 1 MAN dies every 10 days in DV situations.
Most politicians are too scared to make this comparison, they would be attacked by feminists if they suggested that for 1 woman a week to be killed is such a low figure that it is insignificant.
Feminists ignore the many other ways women are dying, 2 a DAY from suicide and then there are road accidents and accidents in general, drownings , deaths from disease and cancer, etc, but these can not be blamed directly on men unlike DV.
I have a long term project to work out the maths on "An aboriginal woman is 32 times more likely to be assaulted than a caucasian woman", and "Aboriginals are 3% of the population", and deduce the rate of assaults on caucasian women. As both stats are on government websites, the conclusion is unarguable. I asked for the technique on a maths web site, using a non-controversial example, and got a good answer, involving Bayes Theorem. https://stats.stackexchange.com/questions/402399/given-two-related-ratios-within-a-population-derive-a-third-ratio-eg-redheads
Thanks Stephen, I think that would be a worthwhile exercise even if any such non-controversial calculation is likely to be suppressed by the DV industry and the media.
I guess, from previous post that I am a MGTOW. I actually had a tshirt that said "All men are not stupid - some are MGTOW" When I was assaulted handing out One Nation material for our state election, I was bashed by a pub owner while wearing this. I'm sure it said it agreed with PHON, so I was bashed for my tshirt maybe. I gave as good as I got and reported it to the South Australian Police = WHO NATURALLY DID F*CK ALL.
Feeding the storm again...so one sided!
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-11-01/women-murder-spike-sparks-calls-for-domestic-violence-register/103048644?utm_campaign=newsweb-article-new-share-null&utm_content=link&utm_medium=content_shared&utm_source=abc_news_web
Feeding the storm - the problem is all men seem to get branded with this sort of rubbish, and all men get treated as potential perpetrators.
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-10-28/lilie-james-death-sends-shockwaves-through-sydney-community/103032348
I was in a similar situation. My wife called the police on me when I wasn't even in the same room, after she had removed doors from the front and back of the house.
I was the victim, she was the perpetrator. It took hundreds of visits to the police only to be sent away. Over those hundreds of visits I managed to get 5 reports in. The female senior domestic violence officer told me that she was now obliged to put in an affidavit to the court for an Intervention Order, but added that I had 'Buckleys', the Australian expression for no hope in obtaining one.
48 hours later my wife was arrested for Aggravated Assault, in an attempt to strangle me in a choke hold from behind while I was bent over loading the dishwasher. In the struggle my business shirt had all of the buttons ripped off.
She was released from lockup after an hour, having signed bail papers not to return to the residence - a condition that she immediately breached. This happened approximately 20 times.
It took me 6 months to get an Intervention Order, having been told that women usually get one within a few days, and that women have that turned into a Full Intervention Order within a week, no longer than a month. It took me a further 18 months to obtain that Full Intervention Order.
During that 2 year period my wife breached the terms of the order approximately 20 times. I was told by the police that a male under an AVO would be jailed after 2 breaches.
Then my wife was able to obtain free legal aid for property settlement and representation in court. I went to every service in the greater metropolitan area in my city, only to be denied similar aid.
I sought aid through Free Legal Aid Services. I was told that there was a special section to cover my area of needs. The consultant returned after checking to inform me that the service was available for women only.
I then had to spend 3 years seeking to oppose my wife's attempt to have the Intervention Order revoked. The police gave up after 1 year, and I took over from there.
I've learned along the way that most police do not believe that men get assaulted. Their version of DV, if they at all apply it to men as victims, comes down to the worst of physical assaults, not punching, slapping, restraining, tripping - and most certainly not verbal, financial, and other forms of harassment that women are acknowledged as enduring.
The gender disparity in the system is enormous. Whenever I seek to correct a feminist line of dialogue (I am greatly sympathetic to the problem of domestic violence against women), they argue that statistics show that the incidence for men being victims is incredibly low enough to be ignored, so there is no need for social services. I point out to them that the statistics are skewed, because they are based on the reports that police don't take for men who suffer domestic violence.
Wonderful work as usual, Tina.
What made you to move to CA from Oz land?
With so many financial incentives to be a victim these days, DV victimhood has become a lucrative albeit ultimately ruinous career choice for women. If you want to know why the trans curse is upon us, which is not going to stop until feminism is eradicated, look no further than what the DV industry has done over the last thirty years. It’s like the old numbers rackets, except with every ticket a winner. Every institution that has a safe spaces policy based on the Duluth model of DV, which presumes all men are potential abusers by the fact of their birth, is an outlet. The ‘numbers’ are all the legal and administrative packages and processes that can and have been fashioned out of the presumption that all men are guilty and that women never lie. The feminists don’t actually care about women. If they did, they’d stop treating women like infants, respect the fact that all women have agency, avoid searing their souls with lies and deceits, help them heal quickly after genuine DV and let them get on with their lives. They care about milking the system for every dollar they can. Everyone pays for it. The unseen victims of DV are we the taxpayers, who fund an industry made up of traps, snares, lies and deceits. The mob controlling the racket are the feminists, gender studies hoodlums and misguided chest-thumping chivalrists. They all peddle the nonsense that women should be protected from the consequences of their own actions and poor choices. They keep women believing they need three legs to stand up. Their customers are of course any woman prone to feelings of victimhood, which would be all women at one point or another. They peddle a system that has brought out the worst in women. Men are rightly cautious about any dealings with women these days and women who fall for the DV scam are finding themselves up the creek without a paddle. Short term gain is bringing long term pain. And serious pain it is. You can’t run away from your own bad choices. You can’t hide malevolence and deceit from your children. It’s seared into your soul and theirs. It tells the same sorry tale in everything that is said and done from that moment on. No-one trusts a cheat and a liar. The DV scam has hijacked and shipwrecked hundreds of thousands of women; the metaphorical bodies are starting to wash up on the shore, and they stink.
A man who was fired from teaching in Special Ed by Medical Leave, using gender specific language. I was often said to be a conscientious father, but none stood up beside me against this McCarthyism. Then my partner revealed her commitment to our relationship with obvious deception, provocations designed to collect evidence for the police and an ADVO, and other acts and comments that clearly demonstrated the depravity of a determined sabotage of my desire to be a father, the willing collaboration by the legal profession and police in the mother's destruction of my status, and the ultimate verification that women today regard men as sources of service and or financial supply, and little else. My forensic psychiatrist says this is my PTSD, but that's because he's in an ivory tower.
Fuck.
This edition brought up so many things for me. One of my wife's friends, a woman who was well known for being stubborn and determined, had an incident with her now ex husband, who she married just to get Australian residency. Short story, she had an argument with her ex husband, her husband pushed her onto the bed, told her that he was going out and for her to not be there when he got back.
We know the guy, he wasn't a violent man, nor was he usually an angry man, our interpretation of the situation was that he was quite stressed.
When he got back, she had gone. Yes, to the police station. There after speaking with one police officer who had asked her to wait a while, then return home and try to talk it out, our friend spoke to another police officer, a man who put things in order for her. She got emergency accommodation, job training, special support for DV, emergency cash and the main prize, Australian citizenship almost immediately.
Australian citizenship doesn't come easy, nor is it cheap. For our friend it took less than three months and was free. Then there was the family reunion which was also free, her daughter also fast tracked to Australian citizenship, free of course and all the job training was also supplied.
It was disgusting all the help she got, especially as her support worker was visibly upset that our friend wasn't interested in pushing for half her ex husband of three month's assets.
Then there are the times when I have sought assistance for myself. There just isn't much help out there for men, and the helpline assistants know this and are quite saddened at the fact that they really can only help one gender.
If what you are saying or doing is unacceptable if the genders are reversed, then what you are saying or doing IS unacceptable, full fucking stop. (Gender can be replaced with anything you like, age, skin colour, ability or disability ECT.)
I recall the Gillard era changes in family court legislation. They got rid of penalties for perjury in child custody cases and expanded the definition of family violence to include harsh language and with holding money that is expected. The correct solution to the "Shit test" of restraining orders/ child custody court cases is DO NOT PLAY. Let the legal eagles have a one sided argument. As Bettina states, be there for your children at the other end. DON'T go wasting $1000's on a FIXED, predetermined outcome. A change to the system I would like to see is severe fines for parental alienation. At the moment it is encouraged and rewarded- like the DV gravy train.
That's right, the definition of violence has been expanded to ridiculous extremes with emotional and financial issues now allowed to be called " violent", this was done for no other reason that dramatic effect and now men can be accused of being "violent" for any trivial disagreement.
This is missuse of the English language , the word violent implies that a physical assault has occurred or might , that was the old definition but the feminists saw that they could shame men for anything almost just by adding "violent" to normal interactions between people.
As George Orwell said in his book 1984, " first they steal the words then they steal the meanings"
I'm a male victim of domestic violence. My lawyer told me to never mention it or I will end up with little or no contact with the children after the divorce proceedings. My lawyer was right. Haven't had any contact for 20 years. Spent every dollar I had but made no difference. That's the outcome for genuine male victims of domestic violence.
Just a note to explain that I receive a constant stream of tragic emails from men who want me to tell their stories. Men facing false allegations, injustice in the courts, unimaginable torment. I try to help people whenever I can but there is no point making videos about these personal stories because no one is watching them. It really isn't worth my time and the expenses involved in video production for an audience of a thousand or two. This comment section is really designed to encourage discussion about the issues I am raising and although sometimes personal experiences are relevant to the discussion, I don't want huge personal histories dominating the discourse. So I am deleting some of these very long stories and also comments from people abusing me.
"but there is no point making videos about these personal stories because no one is watching them."
That demonstrates extremely well the "Empathy Gap" between the genders and supports Warren Farrell's point about men being the disposable gender.
And let's not forget that, when we offer cash incentives to people to allege DV, allegations of DV are likely to increase. And when allegations increase, more money and services are needed, creating an infinite feedback loop, much to the delight of the DV industry. A well-oiled machine indeed!
Great article and thanks again Bettina for keeping us all informed. The DV industry is growing like a cancer on society and it is a worry to see big companies and banks weighing in .
It was reported a few years ago in WA that a mining company was working closely with the WA govt. {Labor} in the domestic violence issues of the companies employees . Since most miners are men I asked the CEO { a woman} if this meant that her company agreed that MEN are also victims of DV.
No response as expected , and the question is why are employers involving themselves in the personal and domestic affairs of their employees? Surely an employer's obligation to workers ends when they clock off and leave the premises.
This is part of a bigger picture, a conspiracy to weaken Western democracies by destroying the traditional family and traditional roles of men and women.
Bettina
Just imagine how a strongly enforced "friendly parent" provision, if reinstated to the Family Law Act, could curb all this.
Cheers
Peter
That was in our legislation at one point and my understanding was one reason it was never enforced was the argument about children having to be kept away from dangerous, violent fathers. I might be wrong... if people know more perhaps you can contribute to this discussion. It is quite remarkable how effectively the domestic violence card has been used to undermine what was once one of the world's most enlightened jurisdictions supporting the rights of children to be cared for by both parents. The feminists did a brilliant job tilting justice to favour women - yet again!
Bettina
Your assumption that it was never enforced. Was certainly my experience. So why was it, that parliament ignored judges, ignoring its laws (rhetorical question).
As tour article demonstrates, tendency for babies to be thrown out with bath water (pun intended).
Cheers
Peter
Thanks Bettina, I thought it was bad but not this bad. Extraordinary how big this has got. The couple at the start of your article is a good example of the way statistics can be easily manipulated. Of course, the woman's multiple "reports" of DV get fed into a large overall number that is used for yet more gravy for the gravy train. No matter who the actual perpetrator is this will always be used against men. Recently, NT Justice Kelly gave a speech to a women's lawyer group having drinks saying that aboriginal women were 32 times more likely to be hospitalised by their partner than non-aboriginal women. We know this is bad but Kelly is talking about violence taking place in remote aboriginal settlements not suburban Australia. The latest statistics show there were 201 women who were hospitalised for sexual assault for the period 2017-2018, which implies there were 6 for the rest of Australia for the entire period. Not anywhere near the scale of what we've been led to believe by the DV industry and the media.
Good comment , suburban Australia is probably the safest place for women in the whole history of the world, but feminists want us to believe it is a violent hell hole. These feminists regale us with statistics and expect everyone to be shocked with their catch cries like, " one woman every 7 days dies of domestic violence" .
This may be correct but on closer examination you would have to say that this is a GOOD result.
Of the millions of women in the country if one a week is killed by a husband or BF etc, then it is hard to see how this could be improved upon and anyway the same stats show 1 MAN dies every 10 days in DV situations.
Thanks Ken, a very good point that you've made but we never get these kinds of comparisons nor do we ever get the trends either.
Most politicians are too scared to make this comparison, they would be attacked by feminists if they suggested that for 1 woman a week to be killed is such a low figure that it is insignificant.
Feminists ignore the many other ways women are dying, 2 a DAY from suicide and then there are road accidents and accidents in general, drownings , deaths from disease and cancer, etc, but these can not be blamed directly on men unlike DV.
I have a long term project to work out the maths on "An aboriginal woman is 32 times more likely to be assaulted than a caucasian woman", and "Aboriginals are 3% of the population", and deduce the rate of assaults on caucasian women. As both stats are on government websites, the conclusion is unarguable. I asked for the technique on a maths web site, using a non-controversial example, and got a good answer, involving Bayes Theorem. https://stats.stackexchange.com/questions/402399/given-two-related-ratios-within-a-population-derive-a-third-ratio-eg-redheads
Thanks Stephen, I think that would be a worthwhile exercise even if any such non-controversial calculation is likely to be suppressed by the DV industry and the media.
Sorry I could only read you once in a while when I was younger - There was no internet and I couldn't always find my father's Playboy magazines. :)
I hardly ever wrote for Playboy! You must be thinking of Forum magazine.
Oh, yes, that must be what he had.
I guess, from previous post that I am a MGTOW. I actually had a tshirt that said "All men are not stupid - some are MGTOW" When I was assaulted handing out One Nation material for our state election, I was bashed by a pub owner while wearing this. I'm sure it said it agreed with PHON, so I was bashed for my tshirt maybe. I gave as good as I got and reported it to the South Australian Police = WHO NATURALLY DID F*CK ALL.