Before feminism became institutionalized in government, the domestic abuse statistics were evenly spread across the two sexes. The child abuse stats weighed more heavily toward women. Domestic abuse among lesbian couples was out of control. Today? The Justice system is pretty simple. “Two legs yer good, three legs not so much.” Unless yer third leg is tucked in a frilly pink panty. Then it’s do as you please.
Most men are inclined to respect women. Unfortunately its a blurred line in more than a few instances. Other than that, ime, it works OK for two such diverse groups 🙄 In most relationships patience and tolerance are pre requisites for ‘success’. Not well practiced, of course.
BTW is it financial abuse when a husband supports his wife and children for decades? Is he the abuser because he doesn't give her enough money or the abused because he picks up the tab for the lot?
Meanwhile in the U.K. our Minister for Safeguarding Women and girls Jess Philips has refused to order a public inquiry into the mass racialised abuse of girls in numerous U.K. cities by Pakistani and other Muslim men. That coercive systematic rape of white working class girls was ignored and de-prioritised by every level of the alleged “safeguarding” bureaucracy from social workers addled by critical race theory, to police who would rather ignore it to preserve “community cohesion. The fact that a murderous Rwandan immigrant with Islamist sympathies murdered children at a Taylor Swift dance class is “safeguarded” while those who erupted in anger and rage where quickly crushed under the wheels of Starmer’s two tier justice, shows that “safeguarding” us about protecting hateful minorities and using women as a Trojan horse.
Because they pretend to be someone different before they get married. Because the coercive woman often enters a marriage with a full blown scenario of what that marriage will look like and what the husband ‘should’ provide. The terrible behaviour comes out only after she doesn’t get what she wanted.
But when a woman is beaten up in a violent marriage is your first thought ‘I wonder what she did to bring this on herself?’
BTW…if you are a young male, and you marry, and your partner starts to exhibit sociopathic/narcissistic/abusive behaviours, LEAVE. Right away. Same as for a woman. You get married and your husband starts doing something really nasty - LEAVE. Don’t work on it. Don’t go to counseling. The chances of you ‘counseling’ this away is slim to none. Yeah, it is theoretically possible. You can negotiate or counsel away domestic chore differences, even the odd sexual issue, if it isn’t a deeply seated problem, and some minor financial issues. But Personality Disorders can not be negotiated away.
When a man has a wife who behaves abominably it’s like, oh , women. Like anyone with a moral compass would cheat on their husband and then try to take his assets. That’s a bad person.
As far as an abusive husband, I definitely wouldn’t blame the wife. I would definitely not think that no woman should get married because every man would beat his wife if he got the chance, if the law allowed.
I would assume that she missed something when she married him, that she had abuse in her background so red flags didn’t alarm her.
“Women like dangerous men”- getting involved with a man a woman herself considers dangerous is a very stupid thing to do.
Some people are basically whole, some people are not. The abusers are definitely not okay.
Usually a victim has been victimized before.
But with a man, the story goes that he has no baggage and chose a totally normal woman and then bam.
So you most definitely have a point.
I don’t think I am blaming the man as much as I am saying that an abusive woman, like an abusive man, is not representative of their sex as a whole.
In the UK 30% of all reported domestic violence has a male victim. Its almost certain that this is vastly underrepresented. In the whole of the there are only 2 male refuges to Domestic violence. Female Domestic violence, appalling and dreadful, have 240 refuges. The police have a concerted campaign, rightly so, fir violence against women and girls. Men get nothing.
Kudos to the OP, who I think is a national treasure.
But I can't handle so many hand-wringing contemplations of the brutality that can be dished out by some women. Too victimy.
Men: Are we not Men? These abusive / violence scenarios and relationships can be avoided by noticing them very early on.
Proactive awareness of realtime relating is protective awareness. Intend to give it attention.
(Remember, we except the love we think we deserve. If you value yourself internally, you will not *need* to trade against your values to get your emotional needs met, sexual needs met. You won't need to keep putting yourself in that position. )
Familiarise yourself with the flow of emotions.
Become more nimble, more sophisticated emotionally...
Yes, and give away sucking down cans and talking about trivial rubbish at barbecues.... Emotions are very interesting and worthy of noticing and talking about.
If you don't, you're a walking patsy. You're travelling in unfamiliar country, with no equipment or skills.
"Gee, I hope no one takes advantage of my good nature, or exploits my generousness."
Others cannot do for you what you are not doing for yourself.
To get started, join a fellowship that discusses realtime emotions and the cultivation of self-valuing.
Where? Could be a men's group, could be a very particular selection of your friends.
And there are many Name fellowships (with titles) across the land. 'Mankind' has a go at it, and *can be* helpful depending on who is in the particular local group. I went for about 4 years. There's also CoDA and fellowships like that.
Before feminism became institutionalized in government, the domestic abuse statistics were evenly spread across the two sexes. The child abuse stats weighed more heavily toward women. Domestic abuse among lesbian couples was out of control. Today? The Justice system is pretty simple. “Two legs yer good, three legs not so much.” Unless yer third leg is tucked in a frilly pink panty. Then it’s do as you please.
More and more, Australia seems like an Orwellian nightmare.
Bogus crimes unknown to the common law.
How could you possibly think such a thing?
Most men are inclined to respect women. Unfortunately its a blurred line in more than a few instances. Other than that, ime, it works OK for two such diverse groups 🙄 In most relationships patience and tolerance are pre requisites for ‘success’. Not well practiced, of course.
BTW is it financial abuse when a husband supports his wife and children for decades? Is he the abuser because he doesn't give her enough money or the abused because he picks up the tab for the lot?
It's a crazily vague crime! Yes women are better at tongue lashing.
Meanwhile in the U.K. our Minister for Safeguarding Women and girls Jess Philips has refused to order a public inquiry into the mass racialised abuse of girls in numerous U.K. cities by Pakistani and other Muslim men. That coercive systematic rape of white working class girls was ignored and de-prioritised by every level of the alleged “safeguarding” bureaucracy from social workers addled by critical race theory, to police who would rather ignore it to preserve “community cohesion. The fact that a murderous Rwandan immigrant with Islamist sympathies murdered children at a Taylor Swift dance class is “safeguarded” while those who erupted in anger and rage where quickly crushed under the wheels of Starmer’s two tier justice, shows that “safeguarding” us about protecting hateful minorities and using women as a Trojan horse.
Or some might say mind altering screams.
Which is why men trade them in…..
There are good women and bad women.
Left out of the discussion is the reason why ill-treated men picked that particular woman to begin with. That would be informative.
Because they pretend to be someone different before they get married. Because the coercive woman often enters a marriage with a full blown scenario of what that marriage will look like and what the husband ‘should’ provide. The terrible behaviour comes out only after she doesn’t get what she wanted.
But when a woman is beaten up in a violent marriage is your first thought ‘I wonder what she did to bring this on herself?’
BTW…if you are a young male, and you marry, and your partner starts to exhibit sociopathic/narcissistic/abusive behaviours, LEAVE. Right away. Same as for a woman. You get married and your husband starts doing something really nasty - LEAVE. Don’t work on it. Don’t go to counseling. The chances of you ‘counseling’ this away is slim to none. Yeah, it is theoretically possible. You can negotiate or counsel away domestic chore differences, even the odd sexual issue, if it isn’t a deeply seated problem, and some minor financial issues. But Personality Disorders can not be negotiated away.
You make a good point.
When a man has a wife who behaves abominably it’s like, oh , women. Like anyone with a moral compass would cheat on their husband and then try to take his assets. That’s a bad person.
As far as an abusive husband, I definitely wouldn’t blame the wife. I would definitely not think that no woman should get married because every man would beat his wife if he got the chance, if the law allowed.
I would assume that she missed something when she married him, that she had abuse in her background so red flags didn’t alarm her.
“Women like dangerous men”- getting involved with a man a woman herself considers dangerous is a very stupid thing to do.
Some people are basically whole, some people are not. The abusers are definitely not okay.
Usually a victim has been victimized before.
But with a man, the story goes that he has no baggage and chose a totally normal woman and then bam.
So you most definitely have a point.
I don’t think I am blaming the man as much as I am saying that an abusive woman, like an abusive man, is not representative of their sex as a whole.
https://bettinaarndt.substack.com/p/women-are-great-at-coercive-control/comment/83731027?r=2z8wkz&utm_medium=ios
My original comment is actually saying just that.
Victim blaming.
Such a shame. 🧐
I hear your point.
But I am not victim blaming. I am saying that abusive women are not normal.
What about people with disabilities with revolvers?
Oh that’s right it’s ‘stralia.
Yes, but they do have poison spiders. If you are disabled keep a few in a jar.
No way this gets abused. Oof.
In the UK 30% of all reported domestic violence has a male victim. Its almost certain that this is vastly underrepresented. In the whole of the there are only 2 male refuges to Domestic violence. Female Domestic violence, appalling and dreadful, have 240 refuges. The police have a concerted campaign, rightly so, fir violence against women and girls. Men get nothing.
Kudos to the OP, who I think is a national treasure.
But I can't handle so many hand-wringing contemplations of the brutality that can be dished out by some women. Too victimy.
Men: Are we not Men? These abusive / violence scenarios and relationships can be avoided by noticing them very early on.
Proactive awareness of realtime relating is protective awareness. Intend to give it attention.
(Remember, we except the love we think we deserve. If you value yourself internally, you will not *need* to trade against your values to get your emotional needs met, sexual needs met. You won't need to keep putting yourself in that position. )
Familiarise yourself with the flow of emotions.
Become more nimble, more sophisticated emotionally...
Yes, and give away sucking down cans and talking about trivial rubbish at barbecues.... Emotions are very interesting and worthy of noticing and talking about.
If you don't, you're a walking patsy. You're travelling in unfamiliar country, with no equipment or skills.
"Gee, I hope no one takes advantage of my good nature, or exploits my generousness."
Others cannot do for you what you are not doing for yourself.
To get started, join a fellowship that discusses realtime emotions and the cultivation of self-valuing.
Where? Could be a men's group, could be a very particular selection of your friends.
And there are many Name fellowships (with titles) across the land. 'Mankind' has a go at it, and *can be* helpful depending on who is in the particular local group. I went for about 4 years. There's also CoDA and fellowships like that.
Yes scream at all non stud males to jump off the cliff